I'm very happy with the current state of my life but it's difficult for me to get excited about anything. I have negative, anxious thoughts (worrying about death for no reason) but I am very good at pushing them out of my head instead of dwelling on them. I've been prone to both crying fits and bouts of anger a lot lately at the most random triggers.
I'm unemployed and find myself laying around my house doing absolutely nothing for hours. I feel mentally hyper and emotionally exhausted most of the time. I post on TQC every day to burn brain energy without actually having to do anything. I never talk to or see any of my friends, even though I wish I did. I just feel like getting dressed and leaving the house would be too hard most days so I don't. I still enjoy doing my favorite stuff, but I can barely be bothered.
The reason I'm confused is that I'm mostly happy most of the time I just feel, like.. - down -. I want to be productive and energetic but I can't scrape my shit together for 2 seconds to do anything, including get a job or go to school. Am I just a miserable lazy ass?