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[Dec. 10th, 2012|08:19 pm]
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Have you ever remained really good friends with an ex that you were with for an extended period of time?
Has your SO ever been really good friends with an ex? Did it bother either of you?

I still consider my ex-bf that I dated for three years my best friend. We don't see eachother but still talk pretty much every day. We broke up in June and I started dating my newest bf in September. However, it bothers my current SO A LOT that I am still on such good terms with my ex. And all of my friends find my friendship with my ex really weird as well. But on the other hand, the guy was with me through a lot of crap in my life and really helped me out, even if we aren't compatible as a couple. If I liked the guy enough to date him that long, I would like to keep him as a friend.

Is this as weird as everyone says it is?
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[User Picture]From: grrillaesthete
2012-12-11 01:26 am (UTC)

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No it's not weird. I stood up for one of my exes at his wedding this May, he's pretty much my best friend. He doesn't live in town, but we're still close. Most of my other exes I'm pretty close with; one (my most recent) I have lunch with and hang out with once a week. My current partner doesn't give a whit; it's not like I'm going to run off with them or anything.

I think it's weird when people hate their exes. Unless they had a huge personality change, why were you with a person you can't stand to begin with?
[User Picture]From: bad_lcuk
2012-12-11 01:32 am (UTC)

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No
No
Its probably not that youre on good terms, but because of maybe how close you are, how you speak of your Ex, or maybe even how you two interact. There are many reasons why people (your new beau or your friends) could find your relationship with your ex uncomfortable.

Its not weird for everyone, but its definitely weird for some.
[User Picture]From: e_y_d
2012-12-11 01:44 am (UTC)

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it is wonderful that you are able to remain friends with him. the fact that most people aren't fortunate/capable enough to accomplish the same doesn't make it "weird". I imagine there's more to the story that's making your current SO so bothered by it. if not, he's being stupid.
[User Picture]From: forlornreverie
2012-12-11 01:49 am (UTC)

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I really think it depends on how the relationship ends. My ex-husband is my best friend. We were together for over a decade, and when we came to the conclusion that the marriage would never work, our priority became getting out of the marriage with our friendship intact. It wasn't always easy, but we managed. We have dinner together about once a month, and he brings the dog over for visitation, lol.

Of my other two serious relationships, the boyfriend from before my marriage I don't speak to (he lied and cheated) and the one after my marriage I am on good terms with, and we talk on the phone often.

I'm currently single, but I think anybody I would get in a relationship with would have to understand that these men were a huge part of my life and I would not give up my friendships with them for him. If he can't deal, then he isn't for me.
[User Picture]From: ducklings
2012-12-11 01:50 am (UTC)

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Yes, although we have a child together so we're kind of forced to see the other everyday. But I think in general, we get along pretty well.
It did when I was dating him and I was very jealous.

One of the great things about a partner is having that friendship compatibility. It doesn't always have to extend to sexual and romantic components. I think it's sweet you guys are still friends.
[User Picture]From: feeeny
2012-12-11 02:02 am (UTC)

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my SO has a few of her ex's/past hookups as facebook friends but she doesn't talk to them or hang out with them.

i dated someone back in 2007 who was my BEST FRIEND which was a huge mistake, and after six months of awkwardness, i ended it. we didn't talk for a couple of years and then started hanging out again in 2010. when i met my current SO almost a year ago, she was freaked out about the fact that this "ex" of mine was still a huge part of my life, but as she got to know her, it became less of a big deal and they actually got along well... until the ex drunkenly confessed her love for me has never died, in front of my SO, and now we're not speaking.. sigh.
[User Picture]From: verygwen
2012-12-11 02:12 am (UTC)

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Lance is still good friends with his ex. In fact, I've become good friends with her too. She's a really lovely person :D
[User Picture]From: borboleta
2012-12-11 02:30 am (UTC)

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yes. it is weird. if you two get along so well, why aren't you two still together? you can't expect someone to feel comfortable with you interacting you with your ex daily. thats just not cool!
[User Picture]From: actpassive
2012-12-11 02:53 am (UTC)

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I think yeah it's a bit weird you talk every day. I think it's slightly weirder that you talk every day but that you don't ever see each other.
I'm pretty good friends with two of my exes but we don't talk alllll the time about everything. It's more of a... like we hang out a lot when we're in the same town or whatever or maybe skype for a few hours every once in awhile but they don't know the nuances of my current relationships or really anything super personal or whatever. One of these guys had a girlfriend for a few years that was uncomfortable with our relationship (we were very close and dated briefly when I was 17/18) but we didn't even have a ton of contact. I dunno, if my hypothetical boyfriend was talking to his ex every day it would bother me. If they talked or hung out occasionally I would be okay with that.
[User Picture]From: gabardinedreams
2012-12-11 03:40 am (UTC)

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I think it's easy to see how people would think your constant communication means one or both of you hasn't let go.
I still talk to my ex but I still love him.. so it's not really the same situation. I don't think I'd be comfortable seeing someone else until I got over him.. at which point I don't know if we'd still be friends. and I wouldn't keep talking to him if he had a new girlfriend, it's too painful and obviously not fair to her since I still have such strong feelings.

I think it's good that you are being honest with your bf about your contact with your ex. and as long as you're being honest with yourself I guess that's your choice to keep talking to him and it's up to your new bf if he can deal with it or not. Good luck!
[User Picture]From: spiffle
2012-12-11 03:58 am (UTC)

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I don't think I have any friends that I talk to everyday. I think that it's understandable that your partner is weirded out. You guys only broke up a few months ago and are still talking every day. You may as well still be together.
[User Picture]From: loveandbees
2012-12-11 01:10 pm (UTC)

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I'm good friends with my ex, and we were together for over one & a half years. We don't really spend time with each other alone, because we're both in new relationships now and it could make his girlfriend a little uncomfortable (I was friends with her first so she knows all of our history). I socialise with him a lot at social gatherings though, and we skype and text every so often.
I like being friends with him for the same reason that you have. We were not compatible as a couple, but we loved each other at one point and have shared a lot with each other. It would be weird to not have him in my life.
In answer to your second question, I was his first girlfriend so I never experienced him and exes. I don't think my current SO speaks to anyone he used to date.
[User Picture]From: loveandbees
2012-12-11 01:12 pm (UTC)

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Oops, hit reply before finishing the comment

No, I do not think it's weird that you are still best friends with your ex. I think it's nice, as long as it is purely platonic; if you still have any romantic feelings for each other then it would be best not to speak much until those feelings are gone. I can understand your partner feeling a little odd about it, though.
[User Picture]From: kengwen
2012-12-11 08:03 pm (UTC)

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My best friend is an ex of mine (I was with her for 4-5 years, maybe 15 years ago). My wife's best friend is an ex of hers. We are both friends with each others' BF/ex. I think it's cool.