rodents210 (rodents210) wrote in thequestionclub,

How do you pick up the pieces again when you're completely broken?

About a month ago, on October 9th, my then-boyfriend broke up with me. We were together for three months. I lost my virginity to him. Long story short, I am very guarded with my heart and I don't let anybody have it. But I couldn't help myself and he took it easily. I know myself enough at this point to know when I love someone, and boy do I still love that man.

I was okay for a while, doing pretty well in fact. Then yesterday was bad again. Then today I feel like he just broke up with me yesterday. I'm back at the beginning again. And the biggest problem is I've realized that he was my soulmate. I wasn't his by any means, but he was definitely mine. I still can never find anything wrong with him other than the fact that he can't ever love me back. All the little quirks and things that I could see being annoying to some people were interesting and endearing to me and made me love him even more every day. He just never felt that way about me. I have never used the word soulmate unironically, because I never believed in that sort of thing. But he was, nay, is my soulmate, and I am not his. I will never find someone that so perfectly fits every description of the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I'm left with a big, aching emptiness.

It's all downhill from here, guys. There's no back up after knowing him. He was my perfection. But I wasn't good enough. What's the point in going on when the best part of your life is over forever? I want to stop dwelling on him for myself and for him, because it bothers him and I can honestly say all I want in my life is for him to be happy, and he can't be happy knowing I still have feelings for him because it makes him uncomfortable. But I don't want to sever myself from his life. I can't do that. I still need him as my friend.

What do I do, TQC? What do I do?
  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded